Dads in pregnancy and birth

Your relationship with your partner

Pregnancy for many is a very exciting time, but having a baby or babies can sometimes put pressure on your relationship and result in issues that can feel overwhelming. For example, you may be worried about money or your partner’s wellbeing. Your partner may worry if you seem less interested in the pregnancy than they are, or they may feel less attractive as their body changes. You both may feel differently about having sex during pregnancy.

There is support available to help you adjust to the many changes resulting from a pregnancy, and you can, as a partner, ask a midwife during appointments or use the Ask a Midwife, social media messaging service.

Being open and honest with each other can help you both feel supported and that you’re working together. Give each other time to speak and try not to dismiss each other’s feelings. Sometimes all you need is to feel heard and understood.

The 'So how are you?' video from Tommy's can be viewed here .

Hormone changes in parents

You and the mum or birthing parent experience different physical and emotional changes when you become parents. These help you to care for your baby in different ways. So together, you will give your baby everything they need to develop physically, emotionally and socially.

Testosterone levels fall in men when they become parents. Testosterone is useful when you’re dating as it gives you the drive to find a partner. But when you’ve found a partner or are about to become a parent, the drop in testosterone can help you build stronger relationships and care for your baby.

Feeling like a parent

Don’t worry if you don’t feel like a parent yet or you’re finding it hard to bond with your baby.

Talking to your baby in the womb really helps and when they are born they will recognise your voice and this often helps them settle.

If you are able attending some antenatal appointments with your partner will help you feel involved in the pregnancy and more prepared for the birth. It is an opportunity for you to ask any questions you may have and support your partner with anything she is uncertain of.

Sharing your experience with other parents can also help. Ask your midwife about local parenting classes to help you meet other parents.

There are also excellent websites you can access and dads groups you can attend. Some hospitals run parent information 'Carousel' events that gives you the opportunity to ask questions and attend practical demonstrations like, how to fit a car seat, baby bathing and how to place your baby safely for sleep. The Carousel at Hull Women and Children's Hospital runs monthly.

Dealing with stress

Getting ready to be a parent can feel overwhelming at times. You may feel under pressure to be happy, strong and supportive for your partner. But it’s important to tell someone how you’re feeling and ask for help if you need it.

Talking to friends and family can help. Joining antenatal classes also gives you the chance to meet other parents. If you feel you need more support, please speak to your GP. or access NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression .

Having a baby can be an amazing experience for everyone but remember this is a life changing event and at times will seem difficult. This is the time to share your feelings and remember there are many many families who have experienced this before, you are not on your own and it's ok to speak up and say how you are feeling.

Labour and birth

There's no way of knowing what labour is going to be like or how you and your partner will cope, but there are many ways you can help.

remember that you may have made a birth plan but that things can change rapidly and that babies often don’t stick to the plan, be flexible and respect that your partner may feel differently during labour.
keep your partner company and help pass the time during the early stages
hold their hand, wipe their face and give them sips of water
massage their back and shoulders, and help them move about or change position
comfort them as labour progresses and contractions get stronger
remind them of how to use relaxation and breathing techniques, perhaps breathing with them if it helps
support their decisions, such as the pain relief they choose, even if this is different from what is in the birth plan
help them explain to the midwife or doctor what they need - be your partners advocate
tell them what's happening as your baby is being born if they cannot see what's going on
you may be able to cut the umbilical cord – you can talk to your partner and the midwife about this
you may want to refer to the NCT Ten tips for birth partners
be the person to keep the family and friends informed and reassured of progress, if you are the go to person it means that the midwives can focus on mum and baby.